And so it passes –

Now I can breath again

Ah the greater good. I hear you are still with your other half, the significant other. Let me tell you, what you are doing is wrong. But you know that, don’t you? I guess that is why you have implemented the distance mechanism. Normal order is resumed. But I will play you at your own game and get on with my life without you. I think I’m getting better – how about you?

I hear that you met my closest friend and I was conspicuous in my absence? This must have really puzzled you. Why else did the beast you so successfully put to sleep rear its ugly head again? Where am I? Why was I not there too? Who was I with if not with her?

Well friend, let me remind you that life isn’t that simple. But it doesn’t have to be like this. I can imagine the inner torment, the conflict, the dilemma. I have had that talk myself, numerous times. In my experience your heart will always win out; it will recruit your head to make a plan. Yes, that will work. Simple.

I see your name pop up and I am yours again in that instant.

Life can be cruel. I think of a happy childhood and all I see is you. My heart, and how much it aches, lets me know that you are still my present. My head fills in the blanks of my future and all my plans revolve around you. My dreams are the constant reminder that I cannot go on without you.

So you see, it’s not so much about love and caring – we’re past that. We denied ourselves that. We’ve left the simpler life; ignored the greater good. Instead it is ALL about possession. You belong to me. I am yours. It is a constant battle to deny this one true fact and prove it to each other. Neither of us willing to let go.

Possession. Ownership. Love. Caring. Muddled and mixed. Confounded. Confused.

If I could hurt you I would, but I’m pretty sure that the damage is done. If I could break down your barriers, they would be broken. If I knew a way to show you what could be, well, I’d shout it out for all the world to hear. But in my heart of hearts, I know that you still wouldn’t listen. This is all about you and what you want – I think it always has been. You are more a mess than I am. You want everyone to be happy, even if it means denying yourself the ultimate happiness.

Worse, you want your cake. I know this because you say that you don’t want me but make sure that I am only yours. Yes, I’ve figured out your game plan. Little good that it does me.

We are both circling. We are both the same. We will eventually lose each other, of that I am sure. How? Because I am finding it harder and harder to hold on. I’m forgetting why.

For now I’m yours. But time is running out. And while I feel like you are struggling to let go, it’s for the greater good old friend.

I’m calling it moving on.

FC